Julian shat on Betty's head. So she took the brown lump and mashed it into Julian's right eye. This gave him an eye infection, so he had to go buy an eyepatch. The eyepatch he bought was Gucci, so it said Gucci in big letters where his eye used to peer.
One day, an old man walking by Julian tried to read the word on the young lad's eyepatch and accidentally fell into the gutter. By doing so, his face hit the concrete where some poop had been, and it got lodged in his eye. So he had to buy an eyepatch, too. But he bought a generic one because he blamed brand-name eyepatches for his unfortunate accident.
Thankfully, our story ends happily because a hot old lady named Trudy thought eyepatches were hot and totally put out for the old man. She did anal and everything. She was also Betty's mum. Coincidence? I'll let you decide...