The word "grim" is unsettling. Did you just chop off a "y" to get the syllable count down?
It's good in either case. I find it has a provocative dry-to-wet progression.
 

I didn't think about the word "grimy," actually. The word "beggar" seemed very English, and so does "grim" -- they use that word a lot when referring to run-down, ghettoish places. And then it had those other connotations, and it fit the syllable count, so I thought, yes.