Am I high?

Or do I have something in my eye?
Or is the dew of your loins dribbling down my thigh?
Or am I feeling regret for all that old lady porn I decided to buy?
Or do I yearn to dress you in a suit and tie?
Or do I want you only because the length of your right index finger,
     in inches, is equal to pi?
And will I stock up on Kleenex cuz I think you'll make me cry?
Or will I use it to sop up all the spunk that will fly?