You would never believe what I did last night!!! ! YeeeeeaaaaAAAAEEERRRR.
GalaXXon rules THE UNIVERSE. Let me tell you a little bit about how, when and where I got my Galaxxon, plus what a Galaxxon is, and what I did with it ALL NIGHT.
Galaxxon is a retro videogame. It is--in my opinion--the classic gaming machine of all time! It comes only in an arcade-style box, and you have to put in American quarters to use it! :) :)
I spent all night pulling the little stick on my Galaxxon back and forth, and thumbing the hard, red buttons. I pulled my stick back and forth, back and forth, up and down: I could not for the love of the cosmos quit pulling my stick! I thumbed the hard red buttons with my left hand, and pulled my stick back and forth, up and down, faster and faster every which way. I did not lose energy all night. In fact my energy levels only increased! This is a testament to the power and fun-factor of the classic gaming machine Galaxon.
Here's a picture of me playing with my Galaxxon:
Oh s**t! ! I've been calling it the wrong name. I'm sorry, how could I be so stupid ! Let's set the record straight before I go on: the ULTIMATE gaming MACHINE in the COSMOS is ZAXXON!! I've been stupidly (oh, stupidly, stupidly f**m), calling it Gallaxxon. Pay no attention to me. I've just been up all night. ;Q
Summary of the Game
1. Zaxxon is a diagonal side-scroller. As such, it belongs to the category of games known as side-scrollers, but Zaxxon implements this in a method never duplicated, and never re-demonstrated!
Zaxxon's screen scrolls diagonally from north-west to south-east. This ensures that, on a 17" screen, the full 17" are filled with ACTION!
2. To control Zaxxon, you have to pull your stick back and forth and up and down in full three-dimensional motion. The master players of ZAXXON pull their stick in all three dimensions. I can bet you that I pull my stick hard.
3. To shoot, you have to press the red buttons, but to rapid-fire, you have to manoeuvre your thumbs delicately and subtly over the red button so that you generate a vibration that excites the low-phase fenestrator defenestrators.
4. At about 4am, my girlfriend came over to my apartment and I tried to pretend she was Zaxxon! At first she played but her beard caught under the shoddily-installed glass pane. I rescued her by cutting her beard which luckily grew back in moments.
(The shoddy worksmanship of the device has nothing to do with the quality of the software game itself, the casing being produced here in Russia by crooks.)
5. I lay Polga down diagonally and pulled her stick back and forth while thumbing her red buttons, but after some time my movements made her bleed and cry and we both had dry skin and felt irritated.
6. You have to avoid the holes in the brick walls that try to block Zaxxon from advancing forward. In space, there are many brick walls.
At the end of Zaxxon, you meet the BOSS. I won't tell you yet how to defeat the boss ;|, but maybe next time! Until next time readers, see you next TIME.
Polga passed out.gif